Usually parents come to me for more flow in dealing with their child. Parents want to learn new skills so that they can tackle the problems with their children in a different way.

But as I saw already when I was a child, with my own parents and teachers, and now that I’m an adult, often see in my own parenting and in my clients, this process starts within ourselves. WE are the ones who struggle with feelings when our child “does something”! We lose our patience, we feel frustration when our child does not want to eat again, we feel desperate when we do not know how to deal with our children.

So that’s why I do not only give practical tools on how to respond to your child, but I also help you with the process INSIDE of YOURSELF, so that the reaction to your child from inside will change more naturally. So that you gain more access to your HEART and INTUITION and will not only act from your HEAD towards your child.

The most important step is gaining insights about your own behaviour, that of your child and about the way of communication between the two of you. For example, in workshops and sessions you learn to recognise ineffective patterns, how they work and how to break them. You also learn how to develop other, more effective responses. And you learn to make more contact with your intuition and your heart.

However, in order to be the parent we want to be, we have to make a choice for this. We experience blocks inside of us and they usually do not just disappear by themselves! (Unfortunately!) For years, we built habits and coping strategies, we have certain thought patterns, certain beliefs and a certain way in which we deal with our feelings and needs.

So if you want to change, you will first have to invest some time and energy: time to learn other tools, gain insights and become aware of certain patterns, take some time for yourself, spend time together with your child and especially: give yourself the time to practice!

Because to start to act differently, means to exercise these new ways and exercise usually takes some time. The good news is that ultimately you WIN time and energy, because everything will flow more easily in your parenting. In addition, you WIN a whole lot more, such as more faith in yourself and in your child. You have tools to work on the relationship with your child AND with yourself. You feel better in your own skin, can connect more easily with your intuition. You own the emotional skills to deal with frustration. And that’s not only useful in parenting but also in other areas of your life! Only the big question is: do you want to invest that time and energy initially?

Second, there is your own comfort zone. You might want to ask yourself wether you want to keep getting angry, keep using threats or keep feeling like giving up and withdrawing? Or do you want to fall into these patterns less often? Do you want to be open to change or do you find it too exciting and do you want to leave things the old way, hoping that it will blow over at one point? Getting out of your comfort zone is always exciting and scary and requires courage! Otherwise it was not a comfort zone!

And thirdly, there are indeed parental tools such as how you can communicate with your child, how to use play in discipline problems and much more. But that often starts with the first two steps! As soon as you have more insights and tools into these first 2 steps, those other parenting tools will come more naturally or at least it will be a lot easier to apply them!

The first 2 steps do not have to be big leaps. It may also be a very small step, so you already step out of that comfort zone and start changing things! So my question for you today is … what are you going to spend time or tomorrow taking a small step out of your comfort zone, the daily routine, to be the parent you want to be? The parent WHO IS INSIDE OF YOU? Inside of your heart? Who would like to come out more often?

And if you do not want to do this alone and make faster changes, then I’m there to give you support and lead you through the forest so that you can see the trees and the path again. If so, then CLICK HERE!

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About the author:

Hi! My name is Chris Muller, MSc, BTA. I am a psychologist, counselor in Transactional Analysis, Aware Parenting instructor (level 2) regional coordinator the Netherlands and mother. For 10 years I provide support to parents through training, the Aware Parenting Education and 1-on-1 guidance. With a lot of love I help you to treat children AND yourself with love and respect. It is my passion that you experience more joy and more connection with your child AND with yourself! X